Where I stand is not where I belong

Where I stand is not where I belong is a self-portrait project that began in 2020 during the first lockdown.

The world stops spinning for a moment. I find myself trapped in my apartment. In my room. In my body. In my head. Drowning in my thoughts. There’s no escaping it. So I try to calm down, breathe, and collect my thoughts. To pass the time, I explore my image, my body. It’s my new playground.

The self-portrait becomes a means of expression when I can no longer connect with the Other. It is also a way for me to ground myself in a reality where I find no coherence. In this solitude, unexpected comfort comes from my short walks outdoors: being able to contemplate, for a few moments, Nature reclaiming its rights, its place. But also from natural elements already present in my apartment.  Bouquets, plants…

A bond is forming between the plant and my anxious self. A conversation, an exchange. From one being to another.

It’s been four years now that I’ve kept up this habit of taking self-portraits. At every stage of my life when I lose touch with reality—in my moments of doubt, sadness, grief, and self-reflection—these photos give me a kind of emotional stability. A marker in time to remind me who I am. So many times in my life, I’ve felt this strange sensation of never really belonging where I am. 

So, when I’m overwhelmed by emotions, nature reminds me that the world is never too small to find a place in it. It doesn’t worry about existing or finding its place. It’s content simply to live, to be present. Fully. I try to follow its example.